The current civil rights movement has caused many non-black individuals to realize that their lack of taking action has been a contributing factor to the systemic racism that plagues the United States. It is now apparent that not-being-actively-racist is no longer an acceptable stance to take, and many of these individuals are instead actively finding ways to dismantle the injustice. One of the most important and easily accessible mediums is through speech or conversations.
Protests continue to march through major cities across the nation, but many prevalent media outlets have scaled back coverage immensely. Now more than ever, conversations are essential to maintaining momentum towards dismantling injustice. In order to incite real systemic change, the ideas must continue to stay at the forefront of every individual’s brain, and it is the responsibility of individuals who are invested in inciting that change to keep it there. With the pandemic continuing to cause problems across the United States, it’s not easy to get connected with a large number of people. This is why speaking with your family, close friends, and co-workers is of great importance.
Empathy and mutual respect are important for conversations in any setting. Ideally, the focus of a conversation is not to change somebody’s mind, but rather to share experiences that have led you toward the beliefs and worldview you have adopted, or to educate one another on ideas you are unaware of. Empathy is essential, and the most productive conversations contain input from all parties. This is not always easy, and can be uncomfortable depending on how much disparity exists between your own ideas and those of the person you’re speaking with.
Not everything is as objective as that last paragraph may make things seem, however. Not everyone will bring the same values and mutual respect, or the same willingness to hear out ideas that may not align with theirs. These conversations are just as, if not more, important to have -- and eventually finish.
The topic of “finishing” the conversation, and what that means, is important here. Before you begin, have a good idea of what you want to get out of it. It’s very likely to take a different route than you may expect, but keep the end goal in mind; whether that be to mutually share ideas or perspectives, discuss something you feel uncomfortable with, or present new information that may collide with the values they have already adopted. It may take positive turns that lead to a better understanding of one another, but new ideas are not always taken in stride.
“[K]now what you want to come out of the conversation. Do you want your parents to hear you? Do you want them to be more supportive of your efforts? Do you want them to act? Or do you want them to stop doing something that they're doing that's causing harm?” [Ijeoma Oluo, NPR]
In our previous post “Having Conversations about Race”, an emphasis was placed on being educated on the matters you plan to discuss. It not only increases your credibility to someone who does not share the same views, but allows you to have a deeper understanding of the history of injustice, and recognize the privileges you hold so that you are more effective at advocating for those who are oppressed.
Remember to hold yourself to the same values you expect from the other person, even if you disagree with what they are saying. Progress is not made when an idea or opinion is being imposed on another; it is made when both parties give respect to each other’s opinions, and the reasoning behind having that belief.
If a conversation begins to devolve into an argument, and hateful or threatening speech is used towards each other or a subject of your conversation, remember that conversations don’t have to be completed in one sitting. Do your best to diffuse or disengage from the situation; above all else, your own safety is the most important. Remember what was said, both the positive and negative points, and use that knowledge to have a more effective conversation in the future.
“Being uncomfortable should not mean being unsafe, if it can be avoided.” [Teaching Tolerance Let’s Talk]
Even if the interaction stays calm, but you feel that it has lost some of its necessary core values or progress has ceased, it’s okay to revisit it at another time. But in both of these cases -- it is important that you do make the effort to revisit.
It may be more uncomfortable than before, but as long as you feel that you are safe, revisiting an uncomfortable topic is very necessary. Remember that racism is taught, just as you may have been taught to be anti-racist, and understand that they have likely been exposed to years of misinformation and negative societal pressures to cause the adoption of those values. Just as it takes time to learn, it also does to re-learn.
Engaging in a handful of mutually respectful conversations over time is far more effective than a huge blow-up that disrespects each other’s values in an attempt to change each other’s way of thinking. Any progress towards having a greater understanding of another’s perspectives or how societal constructs enforce injustice is good progress.
It is also important to keep in mind that you cannot change everyone. Some individuals, no matter how calmly or respectfully information is presented, will remain rooted in their core values. You can only do so much, and acknowledging this is important to your own safety. But also know that any bit of progress towards respecting each other’s ideas or gaining an understanding of how constructs enforce injustice is invaluable and well worth fighting through the uncomfortably to have. Engaging in these conversations contributes to the dismantling of injustice in a way that is unique to every individual,
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