Addressing racism with children is definitely a difficult conversation to have, but it is a necessary one. For those struggling with how to bring up these important issues with the children around them, here are some tips about how to approach the conversation and when to start. For one thing, start the conversation early. It is a privilege to have a choice in whether or not you educate your child on race, one that families of color do not have. Of course the conversation will look different at every age so, with that in mind, here are some suggestions from an article by Katie Arnold-Ratliff:
Age 0-6: if your children are not in contact with people of diverse backgrounds, introduce 0-6 year olds to other cultures' food and films.
Age 6-8: kids are going to start to see and hear things through TV and school, so to help them understand, start talking to your child more directly about racism and allow your child to express how they feel.
- Be honest and simple, but do not downplay or trivialize
- Correct misunderstandings
Age 9-11: even with parental controls, kids now have access to information on their phones, the internet, and other children. It is time to bring it up with them. Ask them what they are seeing and hearing, how it makes them feel, and if they have questions, or do not understand
Adolescents: this is when kids start to solidify their sense of identity, and much of their information and perceptions no longer come from you
- Support their impulse to act, as activism can give you a sense of agency
- Have conversations with them, they may know more than you do
- If you hear your kids engaging in hate speech or biased thinking, speak up. “Try to nuance and complicate their thinking ‘I don’t think that way, and I don’t think what you’re saying is respectful.’ Or: ‘I used to think that way, but then I read X or learned Y.’”
Even if you did not start the conversation early, it is never too late to begin. Once the conversation is open, check in with your child’s feelings about what they are seeing in the media. Younger children may need to engage in creative expression to articulate themselves, but as they become older, prompts can be a good way to encourage them to be reflective. For example, try, “Do you understand what’s happening in the news?” and “How has that made you feel?”
Regardless of how old your child is, it is important that you are clear, factual, and not over simplifying the issues at hand. For example, instead of saying, “people are upset because some groups treat other groups unfairly,” be direct and explain, “This is about the way that white people treat black people unfairly.” Build your conversations around the hundreds of years of history and really focus on breaking down racial stereotypes. If that means educating yourself beforehand, there are a variety of resources already out there and that RRP will be sharing in the future for you to use.
Along with that, kids ask a lot of questions and it is important to give them the space to do so. If you are uncomfortable or unsure of the answer, that is okay to admit, but it is not an excuse to discontinue these conversations. View these discussions with your child as a way for you to learn as well. Emotions are a natural part of this process and social injustices are extremely distressing, so it is okay to be expressive. Children often model their behavior after their parents so it is important to show your anger, sadness, and frustration towards injustice. However, be sure to balance that with providing your child a calm space to process their own emotions.
Through all of this, do not forget to take care of your personal mental health. Reach out to your support system. Check in with them and use them to plan your conversations with your children. Check in with your child about what they are seeing and feeling. The most important thing is to keep the conversation going. Education is a powerful tool to fight racism and injustice so the actions you take are individually important. For more resources, look to our instagram page @reformrevolutionproject where we will be sharing more educational tools for parents to continue the conversation.
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